So drunk its hurt
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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