I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
