Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize