And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
