dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
