At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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