i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
