This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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