If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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