Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
