all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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