I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
