$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
