I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
