I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
