playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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