in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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