somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
