well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
