how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
