Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My life is pants optional.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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