He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
