Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
All I want is dick and wine.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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