Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
