Im at strip club and am horny
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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