i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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