I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
