you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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