Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
