I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
