8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
