My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
