i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just want nice things and good sex
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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