hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i came on her dog
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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