just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm both gender and math confused
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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