Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
