Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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