We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
