it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
