I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
