i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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