Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
