she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
