last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
