I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
