I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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