I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
