shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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