It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
