With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Did I show you my penis last night?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
