I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
