I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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