My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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