I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
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