hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
