To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
