so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize