Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
