New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
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