Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
