i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
