dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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