I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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