So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
how does that bad decision feel?
I currently don't understand fingers.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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