no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize