so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize