If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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