Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
babies were throwing up all over the place
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
