I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
