I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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