his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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