i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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