Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize